self actualization ++

the crazyness and funness and partyness of the past few weeks has brought me little in the way of real fufillment, i'm starting to realize. Not to say not good experiences, they are/have been/will be. good memories. I've learned things i couldn't have learned any other way. i just don't see many of these experiences offering much fufillment.

The things that have made me REALLY feel good about myself, and about who I am, and about what I've done, include:

• walking with somebody who is selfless, and who you desire to be selfless with
  
• camping with my family
• ice skating on frozen water at night
• jumping in cold water, despite the fact that you really dont want to, and then making yourself stay in the water until you are numb, and then appreciating how refreshing it is
• walking down a dirt trail while camping grand marais, barefoot, looking for agates
• getting good grades in a class
• coming home and seeing my family, having them miss me
  
• bear (my dog) being excited when i get home from school
• doing cliche romantic things with somebody you love
• taking photos i am proud of
• walking in cemetaries (omg so emo, etc. think what you want, there is something nice about the peacefulness of dead people, and it's nice to think about how much emotion and loss and struggle and sadness and intensity is in a single place, all summed up with a nice tomb stone)
  
• giving somebody something they want, and you don't want to give (time, resources, etc)
• talking to somebody who needs a talking partner and helping them find something
  
• making sushi
• eating food, indian, mexican, whatever. good food. ok, preferably indian or sushi :)
  
• working out, exercising, eating healthy
• holding my breath underwater in a pool, and relaxing
  

I used to be a firm believer in the fact that camping should be done sober. I am starting to understand/realze why now. Alcohol makes things smoother, quicker, faster. It really does dull the senses, etc. But all of life isnt supposed to be easy, or quick, or painless. If it's cold, and wet, and miserable so be it. Alcohol would make it warmer, and less painful, less boring. But that's not what memories are made of.

This rant isnt to say that next weekend I won't be intoxicated/drunk/etc, but it is to say that I am happy to say that I appreciate life w/o alcohol and do NOT wish to spend the remainder of my college weekends in a blur. The best moments/times of my life have been sober, "pure", "simple" but at the same time complicated.

moderation is the key i think. i suppose if you are reading this, whoever you are, your moderation might be different from mine. but i think i've gone past my personal moderation, i need some substance. some talking, and walkng, and cooking, and cleaning. I need to further relationships via discussing, and sharing, and struggle and ackwardness, or whatever else.

also, i need some homework doing 'cause i'm falling behind i think :(

dulce suenos


edit:
on a slightly different note, today we moved this huge heavy ass tub from the apartment down to the garbage. it was not really fun, however it was a bit sweet to be able to sit in a tub on the mainstreet.